What not to say...

Today I'd like to talk with you about what not to say to parents. Occasionally I come across a significant misunderstanding and hurt feelings/upset parents because a teacher may have said something off hand with no ill intent that just struck the parent wrong. This can be a hard thing and a long road to overcome. Just keep these tips in mind when talking to parents and I think a lot of these misunderstandings can be avoided.

1. "I/we don't have time to do ____". Parents are not interested in excuses. Not having time is never going to be an acceptable reason to not perform a modification or intervention. If this is something you think the child truly needs and you really feel you do not have time, approach your direct supervisor and ask how to handle the situation. Perhaps an extra planning period here or there, or the help of a colleague will be available to ease the time constraint. Whatever is needed, I feel we can work it out, but don't dismiss a helpful suggestion based strictly on perceived time constraints. 

2. "We don't make that modification in that way in this District." -Oh but we do! We are required under the law to perform modifications exactly as they are written. We do not make blanket determinations about how to implement a modification based on the preferences or conveniences of our staff. Modifications, as the rest of the IEP, are INDIVIDUALIZED to meet the specific needs of the student. 

3. "Your child CAN do the work, they just WON'T." -We always need to make the assumption that the student is providing us with their best effort. We know from the research that some disabilities present in such a manner that work habits may appear inconsistent. Parents are already upset and frustrated. Playing the blame game will not build the necessary bridges so that we can work together. Ask the parents what they feel the problem is, then listen...Parents are a great resource.

4. "If we reduce time/don't place, your child is going to sink like a rock." Yikes! We have to stay positive. These are huge decisions that can not be undertaken lightly. Put yourself in the parent's position. They are doing what they feel is right for their child. We don't ever need to use scare tactics to coerce parents into making the decisions we want. Stay supportive and let the parents know we are ready to jump back in whenever they give us the word. 

5. "We have already written the IEP, all you have to do is sign." When we enter the committee meeting with a pre-written IEP, everyone needs to know it is just a draft. I usually write DRAFT in huge letters across the top. Let the parents know their input is VITAL in the process. Make sure the input they have is meaningful. Again, parents are a great resource!!!

6. "We already tried that. It didn't work." -If you are shooting down a parent's idea, be sure to back it up with data. Show the amount of time you tried the modification/intervention and give good hard numbers to demonstrate your reasoning. Most parents are reasonable, but "because we say so" is not a good enough answer...tell the parents WHY.

7. "I don't know what's on the IEP.", "We put this on all the IEP's", "The IEP is the same as last year." All these statements lead to the same place...the IEP isn't important. Nothing could be further from the truth. The creation of the IEP is an intense process which should involve all members of the committee. The IEP which results is the document that drives the student's education program. Therefore there is nothing routine about this process or the end result. Always let the parents know in precise language the IEP is vitally important and unique to their child.  

Most of all-stay positive. The number one complaint I hear from parents is that we appear to be blaming their child. Make sure parents know we are a team and that we will continue to work with them until we figure it out (whatever it is). I always tell parents-special education is a PROCESS. We know it won't be perfect the first go around. Our commitment is to keep trying and never give up until we get it right. 

You are all doing such important work! Keep it up! Let me know if you need me!